My Thirty Day Journey: Day 1

What is ‘My Thirty Day Journey’?  Well, it’s simply my journey to getting better. Call it a detox period in my life if you will where I take out all the negative so I can grow positively.  I decided I would ‘document’ the progress and post every day to let people know how I feel, what’s going on and also a place where I can keep track of my improvement.

I know you’re likely wondering what happened and I am sure if I gave you the entire story it would take me a million years to write the entire thing out.  I’ll give you a semi-short briefing though so you understand.  The beginning of 2015 was when it all began, I personally wasn’t that happy but I wasn’t depressed either.  Sadly though the first man I thought I really loved conveniently smashed my heart into little bits and of course I felt worse.  That was when my depression really started to build.  I had given so much and about as much as I could possibly give and it just wasn’t good enough.  I felt like I wasn’t good enough.

Later on I met somebody who started out as my bestfriend and likely would have remained my bestfriend if it hadn’t been for my inability to get along with other people.  Well, maybe it was just her savaging me at her own free will.  I seemed to fit so perfectly with her and I sunk into a short but fun filled adventure with her till we got to a screeching halt because I met somebody.  He was something special but of course she lied and manipulated it, she made me feel insignificant in my relationship with him, she got upset even before I started dating him.  Than when she wouldn’t stop poking at me I just stopped talking to her and that was when hell began.  She just started gossiping and insulting me to my bestfriend who in turn told me.  This carried on for pretty much the five months of my relationship.

Sadly, me and somebody I loved very very much split apart as he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship.  That didn’t stop that monster she-devil from taking one final swing at me so I told both my ex-boyfriend and my other bestfriend that I needed personal space because I wasn’t healing from the situation I was in with said girl, I was just suffering and suffering more.  They tried to help me the best they could to be honest, but I don’t think there is really anything they can do.  I ended up so much more beat up because of this than I thought I was going to.

That’s the reason I chose this journey.

To be honest the day actually started well, despite after talking to my bestfriend Saturday and needing space and doing the same on Sunday with my ex-boyfriend and sitting and watching how upset he was.  I was doing very well this morning it wasn’t till recently that I just started feeling like crap.  What got me feeling like crap was that I noticed my ‘bestfriend’ had blocked me on facebook and instagram and deleted me on snapchat.  I had asked for space, well she have me miles of it.

I mean I can’t really be upset or angry, well that’s a lie.  I am upset.  Not because I am mad that she just left, but because I had lost a friend of five years which actually is probably longer.  For whatever reason she deleted me I guess that was her choice in the situation I had put us into and I mean I put us into it.  I asked her to do what she did for me, this was my fault, and her walking away was her choice.  I guess it goes to show no matter how close somebody is with you it’s pretty easy to walk away once you’ve had enough.  I’m not bitter though, sad, but not bitter.

I can say this one thing though, I hope she carries on a wonderful life.  When I first met her years ago we had so many great memories and I wished we could have had many more but I guess our time was up.  Nothing lasts forever; not love, not friendship, nothing.

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