As the days slowly progress I slowly begin to figure out what I want and for once today I have found true motivation. I have always been a spontaneous kind of person, one minute very bland and simple and the next a complex mash of excitement fills me dramatically. My future project? Rabbit rearing. Currently I bought a hutch for a young doe I will be raising and later breeding, but I am also building a hutch to keep the kits once they are weaned. I decided to build it out of an old dresser I don’t use, can’t say no to the creative mind.
It’s actually very nice to be focused on something because it keeps me from thinking about somebody I am dying to see. It keeps me from crawling back to him begging to be cuddled and loved. I know my self, I always return too soon before I am totally ready to return. I always return because I crave being held and loved since I lacked so much of it as a child. It’s my fault because I always return before I feel totally better and I just jump into the water cold without even thinking it through. I refuse to do it this time. I will take my time and wait till I feel well for a while (at least more than four days) and than I was gradually spend time and pick times convenient for myself. Till than I shall just have to keep myself busy.
I actually have a lot of projects to keep myself busy. I have a knitting project, a rabbit hutch project, a check list of daily activities, a barn and pen that need to be worked on, work itself so I can make money and I could probably come up with hundreds of other things I could do. As long as I am busy I can’t miss him too much.