Today was actually very satisfying for myself. It seems the more active I am the easier it is for myself to move forward without feeling depressed or anxious. It’s often at night I seem to find myself in a rut. So I have been keeping busy today working on the farm and those of you wondering me and my family own five acres! I was out working on building something for my two horses to live on, we just put up one of the three walls we need to finish closing in the structure my horses are staying in. I also went to work and rode a horse, looked after my rabbits and my dogs. I am normally always fairly busy during the day, I own five animals and work so there’s always stuff to do during the day.
I think night time is just less active for me even when I have stuff to do it just isn’t active enough for me to forget about the bad stuff or to stop me from thinking. I often try and knit or stay busy playing video games late at night but it just isn’t enough. My mind wanders off easily and than I begin thinking of things I probably shouldn’t be thinking of. Thing’s that make me feel sad and unhappy and things that make me anxious. I end up putting myself in the gutter and it’s exhausting. Sometimes walking at night helps me, sometimes it doesn’t. Although the company of a person does slow the thoughts down a little bit. I likely just got into the habit of it though, thinking about not such ideal things in the later hours. I guess that’s a part of growing up. You notice the little things you don’t like that you do and you have no idea how to fix it.