My Thirty Day Journey: Day 16/17

Sorry, for once I missed a day due to being out late and not having the juice to write something when I arrived home.  I am grateful though because today I actually have a topic.  I would like to discus something I had talked about with one of my friends grandma’s, she told me this:

“Relationships aren’t all where it’s at my dear, in the long run it’s all about love and who you love.  Any guy can tell you he loves you and be with a bunch of other girls, but it takes a real man to love you and just have you.  You don’t need a relationship to know somebody is important to you, you don’t need one to know that’s the person you currently want to spend special moments with and you don’t need one to be loyal either.  It’s not about the relationship it’s about the choices and love you have for that person.  A relationship doesn’t define your feelings it’s the actions you choose to make toward that person.  If that’s the person you choose to be exclusive with than that’s the choice you make, a relationship is only a label it wont define exactly what you have.  That’s where a lot of people make mistakes, they expect words and labels to make everything but it’s about actions.  A man who truly wants you and needs you in his life will only have room to love you even if you aren’t his girlfriend because you don’t need to be his girlfriend for him to love you and choose you.  If you’re the women he loves and if he just wants you he’ll choose you.  You need to remember words are just labels they don’t make up what you have with somebody.”

I think this is exactly where I fell short in understanding relationships and love because I wasn’t looking in the right spots.  I kept asking people what relationships were to them, how to maintain relationships, how to build relationships and more relationship crap.  What I realize is it’s not the relationship that needs building it’s the bond because when you simply cut out the words ‘relationship’, ‘boyfriend’, ‘girlfriend’, ect.  It’s simply just a bond between two people and those words, they’re just labels.  A way I just wasn’t viewing it.  I kept looking at a relationship thinking that this was the way you found security, this was how people properly love in a relationship and so no.  I didn’t realize I have somebody who loves me and want’s me, he’s just not ready for the ‘commitment’ behind being in a ‘relationship’.

Which is something else she told me, he is committing in his own way which other people have told me too.  By being exclusive with me and not other women currently, that’s a form of commitment.  By spending and making time with me, that’s commitment.  By loving me and making sure I know he loves me, that’s commitment.  As defined: a willingness to give your time and energy into something you believe in, or a promise or firm decision to do something.  A commitment isn’t a relationship, it’s an action.

For myself I know he’s the man I want to be with, there is no relationship or label needed.  I just want to be with him and only him, he is somebody important in my life who I have great fondness for and I wouldn’t want to express that fondness to any other man.  I think I just foolish wanted the label since I thought it would be a difference between us but it doesn’t.  He still treats me like I am his girl, he treats me sweetly and with respect.  He makes sure I am comfortable and happy in his presence and tries to do what’s best for us.  Which I honestly couldn’t ask for anything better.  I guess in our own way we are together, maybe not in the way I thought we would be but we are.

I think I have a simple idea to this; if he loves me and has the same fondness toward me and we are exclusive with each other, we’re together, no relationship needed.  If we aren’t and he decides to go off and find pleasure in other women and stops putting effort into me, than we aren’t and we’re moving on.  There’s nothing complicated, you’re either in love with that person and they’re who you want or you’re not.  I think I was just looking at all the wrong things in the situation I found myself in instead of noticing he was still here with me.

I feel like I found a keeper.


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