My Thirty Day Journey: Day 20/21

So today I had a mental break down.

To be honest it was brutal because I felt like everything was swallowing me up and I was in that moment I realized when I really need people they likely aren’t going to be there.  I guess that’s the shitty thing about needing people.  You can’t expect anyone to drop all their shit, that’s not fair.  You can’t expect people to take a deep concern or interest in your problems simply because it’s not their problem.  People don’t want to take more on their plate and if you constantly have problems you bring to them they might feel a lot of pressure.  Which could chase them away.

I don’t bottle it up though, I do that and it’s never the answer.  You need to find balance, know what to bring to certain people.  I guess that’s where I struggle because I don’t know who really cares about me.  Honestly it doesn’t feel like anyone truly cares about me and the sad thing is in the back of my mind I feel like if I died tomorrow I wouldn’t really be missed by anyone I really care about.  It’s a dark thing to think, but how would you feel if you’re struggling so bad and there’s people you really need and you can barely give you the time of day.  I guess this is when you start questioning peoples loyalty.  I do all the time.

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