Sorry for the slow posts guys, I’ve just been very busy lately. I’ve had a lot going on over the past few days which has made it hard to get on and make well thought out posts. I guess that’s what you get for choosing to start your own career, there’s no time for you. I did have a day though that really caught my interest, one of my friends asked me why I started dating my ex, what drove me to ask him to be my boyfriend, what drove me to continue the relationship and why did I stay after we broke up. All good questions.
I had to think a moment before answering her, there were so many reasons why he became such an important person in my life but how did you explain why. Well, I told her this. There was a time when I didn’t find myself attractive, I felt ugly and undesirable, yet he changed that so effortlessly. When I thought nobody would every truly love me or care about me and he change that too. He changed the way touching felt to me, he changed the way I felt when something was intimidating. I didn’t hide from him. Worried or not I could approach at my own free will. It wasn’t a terrible struggle.
Over time I had developed a security in him that I didn’t believe anybody else could offer me, it was unique, it was his way even if he didn’t notice he was doing it. He had been such a sweetheart to me and it was soothing. It was a change for me too though, I hadn’t ever really received the kindness he offered me in my life. I grew up with a lot of empty gestures and fake kindness that often got me physically hurt and emotionally damaged. It was different with him though he was such a gentle person with this warm soul that just made me melt on the inside. I wanted to have happy moments with him. I wanted to continue on in life with this wonderful man.
When I first met him it was his personality that won me over, his kindness and his gentle nature that made me want to make him mine. The way he held my hand and kissed my forehead just brought so much to me that nobody was offering. I had to have him. It’s the same reason I stay after we broke up too, because he still offered m the same kindness and the same gentle hand that I feel in love with.
We had so many bumps in the road though, hurt feelings, misunderstandings and we both seemed to be going in different directions at this point. I can tell you one thing though I would do this over and over again with him even if it still hurt. I was endure it because he is a great man and this was one of the most memorable moments in my life. I wouldn’t give it up for anything.