I Fell In Love

I fell in love with him.

 

It wasn’t what possessions he had in life, what time he could offer or even how wonderful of a lover he was.  I just fell in love with him.  I loved his smile, it was so infectious. I loved the way his cheeks would bunch up when he would grin and he always managed to give me the worse case of butterflies, the kind young school girls got on their first crush.  He still does.  It always made my tummy turn in knots when he smiled because I felt so silly when I was smiling and half the time couldn’t help myself when I turn away from him bashfully.  Have you ever had someone make your heart flip just because they smiled at you?

I fell in love with his genuine kindness, even though it has been abashed by those who don’t return the favor, it never made me stop loving the sincerity and compassion he would offer me.  I thought it was so admirable, a brave feature to have in a world so cruel.  A kindness he often offered to me with sweet words and a gentle touch.  It was hard not to find security in him in what he offered me.  He always made it as comfortable as he could.

I fell in love with the way he wrapped his arms around me in the middle of the night, how he would be half asleep and still tenderly kiss the back of my shoulder.  He just always made those moments feel so right and peaceful.  It was full of affection you couldn’t find anywhere else.  It made me want to spend every night in bed with him snuggled under the blankets in his warm arms where I knew I would be totally safe.  I never once questioned my safety with him, never.

I fell in love with how easy it was to be myself.  I grew up in a life where I constantly had to impress, I had to be better and better, yet often couldn’t manage such things.  It was a soul sucking choice in life and often left me drained and feeling down.  Yet he made me feel like I was just perfect, I was enough, I didn’t need to force an absurd amount of effort out just to impress him.  He was already impressed with exactly who I was, flaws and everything.  He made me feel special, like a princess.  Like I was his diamond in the rough.

I fell in love with the way he would look at me with that sweet fond expression of his and how it always makes me melt on the inside.  He always would look at me just right with that big goofy grin of his and a sweet little compliment and it would turn me into instant goo.  I could barely get an understandable word out.  I was just so excited to be in his presence because he is freaking wonderful.

I fell in love with the way he would gently hold my hand and entangle his fingers with mine and it felt perfect.  He always held me with such tenderness.  It was always a sweet embrace and there was nothing I loved more than to be wrapped up in his arms every time I was with him.  It was like for a moment everything troubling was gone and I could happily just be with him in our happy bubble listening to the steady beat of his heart.

I fell in love with his adventurous side and how I could easily just follow him into anything.  Even the worst of my anxiety hasn’t ever stopped me when I was exploring new things with him or going out to new places with him.  I loved how he just manage to quiet everything inside of me down, I love how it’s just the two of us when we’re together and I loved how safe and secure I felt with him.

I fell in love because he never get mad at me even when I would sit in the car for five-ten minutes just enjoying resting my head on his shoulder because I wasn’t not ready to say goodbye yet.  He never got mad when I wanted one last kiss and another one and another one and another one.  He just happily gave me what made my heart sing and it made me fall in love a little more each time.

I fell in love with the idea that he was just perfect for me, even with every flaw and every mistake we made between each other.  He was perfect to me and I loved every little thing about him because that was what made him so special to me.  He was and still is my big teddy bear, my safe place and the person I always look up to when I’m unsure about everything going on in life.

I fell in love with not what he could offer, but his company and character.  I never needed every waking moment with him to be perfect, we could have just two hours together and I was extremely content with that.  All that mattered to me was that the time was spent with him.  And even with everything that has gone on, I would take him back in a heart beat because he’s the man I want in my life.  I’ve never met somebody I found so perfect when everything was going so wrong.

I fell in love with a man who was golden from start to finish.

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